Dating Tip #17

If you are not having a good time you should be honest about it and end the evening but many of us aren’t comfortable telling someone to their face that we don’t like them so either ride it out or if need be excuse yourself to the bathroom & have a friend call you (repeatedly so you have to answer) and tell you that something happened with them & their significant other & they are at your house & need you ASAP.

Dating Tip #16

If you use online means for meeting people make sure your pictures are up to date, nobody wants to go out on a date with someone & not even recognize them because their photo is 5 years old.

Dating Tip #15

Be honest, if they ask if you do drugs & you do use drugs (even a little) then you should tell them that you do, you want them to want to date you, not the you they think you are.

Dating Tip #14

Do not spend your whole first date talking about your ex, actually it’s better to not even mention them unless asked.

And it continues....

funny thing is, i think i'm more attracted to you now. i think it is very sweet and considerate of you to write me and be honest with me. i think you showed alot of class by that. heres's a gift just for being a sweetheart. p.s. you really never know what you might be missing out on unless you give it a try

I can't wait to see if more will come, this is like a new TV show!!

Follow Up: Why Don't You Like Me?

Ha, so I get this response...even here, his spelling is so awful I can barely stand reading the message! I did not edit anything, this is the message exactly other than my adding the bold text to the obvious terrible spelling & what not.

"just want to let you know that i am well educated and am capable of writting with proper spelling and punctation. the reason i dont on my profile is, i would think people would not have to worry about the proper punctation and spelling because this is only a dating site nonthing professional."

Nothing professional? Let me tell you something pal, you didn't get the job!

Dating Tip #13

Do not spend your whole first date talking about yourself, people don't generally take interest in others who don't take interest in them.

Why Don't You Like Me?

So I had a gentleman that I turned down leave me the following message(s) & I wasn’t even going to dignify his behavior with a response but felt it would be in the best interest of girls that he will contact in the future to let him know exactly why I wasn’t interested. Below you will find his 2 messages and then my reply.

"no offense, but the reason i am not your type is because i dont have the tall, athletic, pretty boy look with the moosed up highlited spikey hair. i have done studies in one of my pyc classes, and that seems to be the only type. not too many women go for the nice boy harry potter look."

"well just curious to how i'm not your type. you dont empahasize anything about looks on your profile, maybe you should if thats whats important. i think you might be missing out on a fun good guy, but i respect that you wroteme back anyway. most women think there to good to write guys like me back and then wonder why they're single and cant find a good guy. it mainly because every women out there is competeting for the same guy. i do think you're beautiful. does looks matter anyway? you're 30, in another 20 to 30 years looks are going to be gone anyway. maybe even in 10"

Hello J,
Let me start by saying that you seem very bitter in your profile which I don’t find attractive but the main reasons that you aren’t my type is the fact that your interests don’t match mine, and your poor use of grammar and spelling. It really was not your appearance. I am not attracted to the “Gotti boy” image like you seem to think.
I would also like to give you a tip that sending a woman a message making assumptions as to why she isn’t interested only illustrates your lack of self-confidence. You immediately assume that she doesn’t like the way you look which is evidence that you are uncomfortable with your own appearance and that is not attractive at all. It seems as though you are trying to place blame on others for why you are not having luck in love, but you might want to look inside yourself to figure that out and maybe things will perk up. Best of luck to you in your search for true love!!

K

Post a Photo

So I created a profile today for the FOX dating site for the local folks. I ran my first search & while I got over 20 matches, they weren’t actually matches. None of the guys I got matched with were attractive, at least not as far as I’m concerned…I’m not really into blondes or mullets! So here is my quam with dating sites & the people that are on them. Do you ever get that “hit” from someone & you go to check out their profile & their photo is taken from like 20 feet away, or it’s a group photo & they don’t have themselves labeled, or the worst is no photo at all. See, I used to feel bad when I’d ask for a photo from someone & then I’d get the pic and know why they didn’t post one, but do these people really think that they will get to know someone well enough that they will fall in love with their personality first? No, they won’t, because most people won’t have a 2nd conversation with someone without a photo. Now I don’t feel bad for just saying “sorry, but I just don’t find you attractive” and closing out our communication. I mean if they would have had the photo posted to begin with we could have skipped me being honest because I wouldn’t have contacted them in the first place. So I guess my suggestion to people is…if you don’t mind being told that you are unattractive then go ahead & omit the photo from your profile. If you would rather people not contact you because they don’t find you attractive from the get go, then post a damn photo! I also can’t stand the photos from like 5 years ago, are you kidding? I know you have more recent photos & the reason you aren’t posting them is probably because you don’t look as good now as you did then, but once you meet someone they are gonna figure it out so save yourself the embarrassment & just take a current solo photo from within 5 feet of you & post it! Thanks!

Dating Tip #12

If you have some major deal breakers you may want to find out if this person participates in any of them no later than the 3rd date, especially if you like them otherwise you may really get into them only to find out 3 months later that he has 6 kids & they all live at home!

Strangest Pickup Line to Date

So I was checking my messages on my current dating site and I got a real gem from one of the guys. The subject of the mail was Nose & then the message said "is your nose yours or did you have it done? it's nice"
This is not a joke!!

Online Dating

So I’m going to give you guys some insight on dating websites. I am a member of many of them but usually only actively use one at a time. I just finished up with a 3 month subscription to eHarmony, last year I did a 3 month stint on Yahoo personals, and currently I’m trying a free website called Plenty Of Fish. Now, I can’t say that my testimonials of these sites are going to be true for you as well but I’d like to give you my opinion of how they did/didn’t work for me. Well, obviously none of them have worked for me because I’m still single but some proved to be better because I met more people and went on more dates than other sites.

Yahoo Personals: This site proved true for all kinds of first dates, very few second dates, but I did meet some cool people. These guys may not have been actual dating material for me but were still my kind of people and I do remain in touch with a couple of these guys. I did meet one that seemed great but didn’t represent so well in person, it seemed as though I was hanging out with my ex. I was instantly turned off by that fact, because if I wanted to date my ex then he wouldn’t be my ex now would he?

Match.com: I’ve never subscribed I do have a profile on there but don’t actually use the site, ever. I think the fact that Dr. Phil has involvement with it makes me very hesitant to actually sign up.

EHarmony: This site was a huge waste of money for me. They “matched” me up with all kinds of people & guess what? None of them were actually matches. All these guys had kids, wanted kids, were fat, lived like 50 miles away…just nothing I wanted. I actually ended up talking to 2 and meeting 1. The first guy I was excited about until I found out he was a cop & then he told me that he screwed up his page & actually did want kids. Bye bye. The second one, he was nice & decent looking, but I didn’t feel any sexual chemistry & if I don’t feel anything after 3 beers then I don’t think it will work, plus he lied on his profile & said he was a non-smoker & he was a smoker. So after 3 months & like $80 I got nowhere so I deleted my account. I was very specific that I didn’t like or want kids or guys with kids and 90% of the guys I got had kids! I was specific that I wanted someone close to home (like 10 miles) and everyone lived in like Saginaw, plus I don’t like the fact that you can’t search for people…you get matched & that’s it & I’m sorry but I like browsing profiles & picking the people that I find attractive, not the people you SAY I’m compatible with.

Chemistry: Same as Match but without the Dr. Phil issue…I just can’t afford this site either.

Plentyoffish.com: This site is free, so I figure I have nothing to lose, I’ll let you know how it goes but I’ve already been chatting with a couple people & it’s only been like 3 days. The nice thing about this site is you can search for booty calls, husbands, friends, pen pals…whatever you want it’s probably on there.

Okcupid: This site is my favorite, it's kind of like Myspace for dating! They have quizzes & questions that you can answer to help gauge compatibility with others, it's actually fun & I think the people are in general younger & just more of a technology based community if you will, they are the Facebook/Myspace types if that helps. Anyway, I've met some awesome people on here & I suggest it to people all the time.

Dating Tip #11

If you want to see this person again, don’t sleep with them on the first date.

Now Hiring!!

In the art of Tucker Max I am deciding to post a dating application on my site, now since I gear this site toward women I don’t expect it to be filled out and returned but I just may keep a few on my person and when I get hit on at a bar I’ll have the drunk freaks fill it out & see if they are worth my time, mainly this is for laughs although the questions & what not that are on here are real and represent what I’m looking for in a man. If by chance you are a man & interested in filling this out, by all means please do so & don’t forget to include a pic!

Dating Tip #10

Make sure you have a fall back topic to discuss in case there is a major conversation lull, if a celeb recently died or your basketball team just won the playoffs or something else that just about everyone knows of, this could help lead to more conversation. Example: "So, how about all this Kwame business?"

Real Detroit Weekly

For all of you locals, this weeks issue of Real Detroit is the singles issue! I haven't picked up my copy yet but I'm sure it's a good one, since every issue is a good one!!

Family Holiday Etiquette

Family holidays can be very trying, but you should know your family and how they do things so it shouldn’t be that difficult to figure out. Even if you are told that you don’t need to, bring your own alcohol. You should always ask ahead of time what food item you can bring (even if told nothing), there will always be something that is missing & you picking it up on your way will make the host’s job so much easier. As far as bringing dates to family holidays, you should only do so if you are serious about the relationship. Your family isn’t going to want to meet a different guy at every holiday. If you are a guest at someone else’s family holiday for the first time, you should bring the host a bottle of wine, or flowers, or some other token of appreciation.

Dating Tip #8

A first date is basically an interview, you are interviewing this person to be your companion so you should have some ideas for things you want to know about them other than where they work.

Dating Tip #8

Especially on a first date you should take it easy on the makeup, don’t attempt the perfect smoky eye for drinks with a stranger; they want to see what you actually look like.

Dating Tip #7

For a first date you should wear something more casual/cute such as jeans & a cute top.

What Every Single Woman Should Have

A list of what every single woman needs…I don’t just mean women who are single, but all women…granted those who have or live with a man may not use some of these as often as an actual single girl but sooner or later they might find that they come in handy.

The first thing you need is the self confidence to know that you don’t need a man for help and that you can take care of things on your own if needed.
A tool box/kit
A sewing box/kit
A plunger
Computer
Fake name/alias
Baseball bat
Fire extinguisher
Booty call
Tailor
Nail Tech
Waxer
Aestitician
Hair Stylist
Attorney
OB/GYN
Duct Tape
Sexy undergarments (at least 1 set)
Guy movies (at least 2) on DVD
Dry Cleaner
Spa/Massage Therapist
Sugar Daddy, or at least some guy who loves to take you out & won’t try to sleep with you
At least 1 gay guy
A close female friend you can tell anything to
Passport
Frequent Flyer Card for some airline
Insurance Agent
Means for transportation
Mechanic that won't rip you off
Savings and checking account
401K/403B…etc.
Hot first date outfit for each season
Classic cocktail/little black dress & shoes/accessories to go with
Classic black tie gown & shoes/accessories to go with
Voter’s registration
A staple cocktail that you know you can get anywhere
A meal that you can make very well
Condoms

I'm sure there are many more things that every woman should have, these are just the staples but if you will notice the word husband never comes up on this list. Just because you are single doesn't mean that you are worthless or less of a woman, embrace your single status & enjoy living by your own rules and timelines!

More General Party Etiquette

Is it ok to bring your significant other to _____ if they weren’t invited? This depends on the situation, if your best friend calls & invites you over to play cards they are well aware that you have a significant other so if they don’t mention them, then don’t bring them. If someone you have not seen in some time invites you over for a cocktail party/mixer that they are having then yes, you can bring them. Basically, if you are being invited to a group outing such as a mixer, bbq, picnic, pool party, holiday open house then you are welcome to bring a guest but if you are invited for something specific then no, you should not bring your significant other or anyone else for that matter. Of course, if you really are unsure just ask if you can bring someone & save yourself the embarrassment of showing up for ladies night with your husband.

Dating Tip #6

If you are going out with someone that you met online or in a bar (someone none of your friends know) then be sure to give one of your friends all of the info you have on your date (screen name, name, cell #, where & when you are meeting etc.), just in case something happens to you.

Dating Tip #5

Your best option for a first date is drinks, or coffee, don’t commit to dinner until you know you can make it through a few drinks with the person.

First Date Blunders

So as far as first dates go like I said I’m a bit of a pro and let me just tell you some horror stories that have happened to me and to friends of mine on first dates.

Bill arrives at table
My date: “I have a 20”
Me: “ummm, ok, I guess I could leave tip”

He called twice after and I never returned the calls, it’s really not cool to invite someone out to lunch (that’s right, he couldn’t afford lunch) and then when the bill arrives ask them to throw in for it. He was lucky I even had cash on me, I normally don’t carry any but had some because I had to stop at the farm market that doesn’t take charge.

Middle of night after drunken 1 night stand
Girl: I need to take you home
Guy: Do you even know my name girl?
Girl: Todd?
Guy: No!

Ladies, if you end up in a one night stand & you are really drunk you might want to note his name in your cell or write it on your arm or something because you never know when he could come back to haunt you. Girl talked to a friend of hers who had gone on a date with some guy & he told her the story of this girl who slept with him & didn’t even know his name…guess what? That’s right, Girl’s friend was on a date with Not Todd!

After the first stop on a first date me & my date “Reds” had to get our keys from the valet so we could move on as they were closing but we were only going next door. We walk outside & tell valet the situation & here’s what transpired

Valet: No problem guys, what car you driving?
Me: The Tempo
Reds: I’ve got the Mercedes
I was beyond embarrassed but we ended up having a good time anyway, and for some reason I knew that I should have taken my rommie’s Yukon, but oh well, it was too late by that time.

General Manners & Etiquette for the 21st Century

In the time of female CEO’s, male nurses, and the possibility of a black president I think it’s high time to update our rules of manners/etiquette. Sure, you can go ahead and read some book published in the fifties which may suggest that you make sure to have dinner & a cocktail on the table when your husband gets home each night but the reality is, he stays home & you work so what now? Well, I will post occasional etiquette tips for real people right now.

Here is the first one:

What do you take to a housewarming party?
It’s pretty standard to bring a candle, liquor, wine, vase…nothing extravagant or over $20. It is NOT ok to register for housewarming gifts, as much as you may want to, it’s inappropriate and if you are invited to a party where the new homeowner has registered then you should still bring your stock gift as suggested above, do not refer to the registry or they will never learn that they were wrong for registering in the first place.

Dating Tip #4

Turn your cell phone off or to vibrate, it is not polite to answer your phone in front of your date, if you must use it excuse yourself to the bathroom.

Dating Tip #3

Have the first date on your own turf, if the person ends up being a total tool at least you feel comfortable & can find other people to talk to if needed.

My Situation

I am 30 years old and for the most part happily single although it’s getting more and more annoying this year for some reason. I had a dating partner last year for a couple months, I say dating partner because we never actually came out & said that we were a couple. He never stated that he didn’t want to see other people & neither did I but for a while there near the end of our relationship it did seem as though we were a couple. There were a million reasons to end the relationship, which is why we did. He had issues being part of a couple and I didn’t, there was a 5 year age difference which doesn’t sound like much but the difference between 24 & 29 is a big one. The biggest problem was the personal issues that he had going on in his life; they seemed to get in the way of him being himself in front of others for some reason. When we were alone we always had a blast but when we would get around my friends he always acted so strange. I don’t know if I threatened him in some way or what but obviously being with someone you can’t go out with is a problem so we decided to remain friends & cancel the relationship thing. I tend to find that as I date people I’m not finding what I do want in a mate but rather what I don’t. I could give you a laundry list of things that I don’t want out of a relationship but some of the basics are needy, mama’s boy, alcoholic, unemployed, already married, depressed. So other than that relationship I’ve been technically single for almost 8 years now therefore I know quite a bit about dating & even more about first dates. Unfortunately I don’t have much insight on second dates or any past that point since I usually don’t get beyond the first one. I’ll tell you the major trick to dating is being able to figure out during the first date if you could be this person’s significant other and if you don’t see that happening there really is no point in having a second date now is there?

Dating Tip #2

Always try to meet for your first date, do not have them pick you up, you have no idea what this person is like & you may not want them knowing where you live.

Dating Tip #1

Even though the man should always pay on the first date, you should have cash on you just in case he ends up being cheap & can’t afford the date, or if he’s a total loser & you need to climb out the window & grab a cab.

Welcome Ladies!

Hello, I wanted to start this blog for all of the women out there who are independent, single and dating. Some of you may recently be divorced some may have never been married but I'm hoping that the insight and tips and tricks that I plan to share will be beneficial to you either way. I'm 30, single, living in the Detroit area, happy, and actively dating. I've dated all different types of men and have had some great dates, some awful dates, and some just plain blah dates. I always pay very close attention to detail when it comes to dating so I'm hoping that the things I share will click with you or help you in some way.

I will be posting tips on this site for dating, personal growth, and probably other random items that I find interesting & think you might too.

Now, I've dated men that I met in bars, at work, online, by set up...obviously none of these options have worked but I will do some comparison of dating sites in the future here so that hopefully it will help you choose one if that is the avenue you are choosing to take. Thanks for stopping by & don't be a stranger!!