Do You Speak Woman?

Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

You Don't Want Kids?

Ok, here we go again with people wanting to know why it is that I don't like certain things. I don't like kids, some people think I'm awful for saying that but it's true, so sue me! I don't like your kids, I don't like their kids, I don't want my own kids and at least I'm honest about it. Would you really want to get into a relationship with someone assuming that they want children then finding out years down the road that it's not an option? I would like to know also why it is that people just assume that everyone loves kids?
I was at a wedding on Saturday & I was out on the dance floor by myself having a good time until I bumped into someone & it was a mom holding her little girl (2 or 3) and she was really cute but just because she's cute doesn't mean I want anything to do with her. So the little girl (who I don't know) starts reaching for me so I move to the other side of the floor & mom takes girl & goes & sits down. So here I am happy as a clam on the dance floor & I feel something touching my leg & I look & it's this little girl standing there with her arms up like she wanted me to pick her up. I stared at her for a minute, tapped her on the head & went back to my table. I was on the dance floor later on & it happened again so again I went back to my table. After that I decided to just dance at my table which I shouldn't have had to do because the mother should have known that if I didn't respond to the kid twice I probably wasn't going to. First of all she shouldn't have just let her tiny little girl out on to the granite dance floor by herself with a bunch of drunk people to begin with & 2nd of all when the mom said to me "she really likes you" and I just said oh & moved to the other side of the floor she should have known that I really wasn't interested. Of course, my whole family found this hysterical because they know I don't like kids but I was seriously so flustered I wanted to cry, I felt like I was being attacked. My friend Wendy hates birds & she said "that's exactly how I feel when a bird is near me, it's like panic".
I really just wish people would accept & respect the fact that I do not like children. I know plenty of people who don't like all kinds of things but I don't think they are less of a person because they don't like it. I think people have issues with women who don't like kids because they don't think we should miss out on the "miracle of child birth" well, that's not a miracle for me that's freaking insane! I have no clock ticking away inside of me, no desire to have or be around children especially when I haven't known them since birth, and if I were to ever have a kid it would be adopted & likely a little older. I'm selfish & not willing to give up my identity to be someones mother, I give mad props to my friends who are parents, especially the single ones but I don't ever want to be in that position. I want to do what I want, when I want with whomever I want & not have to worry about a sitter or the kids or anything else. People just need to relax & pay attention to themselves instead of giving me shit for my choices & opinions!

Friends Like That

Have you ever had that friend who can't seem to stay out of your business? That friend who always has to be up in your shit even though you aren't up in theirs? Well I have one of those friends & she just did something that has embarrassed me so much I can't stop thinking about it. Well, here's the deal, I met a guy online & we hit it off well not really enough to be a couple but enough to "enjoy each others company" on occasion. So I tell my friend about our first night together & she turns around & requests him as a friend on MySpace...who does that?! She had asked me in the past if she could request him & I told her no yet she did it anyway! She claims she did it so that she could check out his pictures but I know she did it to attempt to make some sort of contact/bond with him. She just can't seem to allow other people to have any satisfaction that doesn't involve her especially when it comes to men. It never really occurred to me before but none of our friends wives like her & since I never really cared too much for many of our friends wives I just thought they were all bitches. I can now see how she is regarding our friends husbands as well...she's very negative & it's like if it's not for or about her she just can't stand it. I'm all about my friends & my boyfriends getting along but if she ever got all flirty with my man like she has with our friends in front of their wives I would definitely have something to say about it! Being my super close friend it really makes me beyond embarrassed that she would do this to me, I'm now mortified & look like some crazy bitch to him because of her behavior & I'm so sick of making excused for others. I'm single dammit & what I do & who I do it with has nothing to do with anyone other than us & though I may share my stories with people I assume I can trust it really bothers me that they feel that it is ok to involve themselves personally in the matter. It's uncool & unfair & I'm very unhappy!!