Get Out Of My Head!

Have you ever had one of those experiences that won’t seem to leave your brain? Well, I’ve had many over the years but for the last few weeks I can think of only one & no matter what I do to attempt to distract myself it’s constantly popping up & I’m starting to go crazy. For 3 weeks, every time I close my eyes all I can see are his eyes & hear his noises just as plain as yesterday & it’s brought me near tears because I can’t get rid of it. For whatever reason he obviously doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore & that’s fine, it’s his choice but if it was that good for me how could it not have been even remotely that good for him? I haven’t had one occasion burned into my brain like this in years & at least then I got to relive the experience repeatedly and often & was then able to replace the images with new ones. I mean, usually when I first become intimate with a man this will happen to me, I close my eyes & see the action playing out but it stops when I need to focus on other things or once I’ve concluded they aren’t/I’m not interested anymore but no such luck this time. I close my eyes & hear him say something & then my mind takes off & I see him above me or next to me, I can see his eyes staring into mine, I can still smell his skin & feel him pressed against me and this is constant…all day, all night it’s all I can think of. Saturday night for instance, I’m watching a movie, I’m all sucked in and then poof I end up on this whirlwind of sexual past & end up having to rewind the movie back to where I drifted off at. Friday night I paid to go to a movie & twice I drifted off thinking about him…how in the hell could I let anyone affect me like this? I’m not this type of person who can’t stop thinking about someone at least not for more than a week! I try to think of other men to cancel out this one night & no matter who or what I try to think of he pops back in & fucks with me. We had discussed just having a sexual relationship & I was totally down with that & then after like 1.5 to 2 weeks I think he just stopped contacting me, which I didn’t get. Why would a man take the time out to contact a chick repeatedly for 2 weeks & then just drop her? Probably because he met someone else which is fine but how hard is it to be honest? I think I’m most bothered because of this…it isn’t like we slept together & he blew me off, that I could handle, he’s the one who texted me the very next morning, he’s the one who told me I was an excellent lover, and he’s the one who asked to get together again. What the fuck did I do to deserve being treated like this? More importantly, why am I going to tell you this: if he does call, I’m seeing him again. Obviously if sex is so good you can’t stop thinking about it for 3 weeks then I’m going back but if there is a next time…I’m keeping my guard up because had I known this would be the outcome I’d have done that to begin with. Just like most men I too can have detached sex for gratification purposes only. What a fucker this guy is & how dare I admit that he even had the slightest affect on me, shame on me for being such a dumb girl & shame on him for being such a poor excuse for a man.