A First For Me!

So I have this attractive guy at work & we've never really had any non-work conversations until this week. He has approached me twice with general conversations & today the convo was cut short due to a work task I was late for. This convo was the "what you up to" convo which never happens! He informed me that his son is out of town so he's up to nothing & I had to go so I told him I was doing about the same and that was that. Well, I decided that I wanted to know what was up so I did the unthinkable for me, I sent him an email (he left the office when I wasn't looking) and said "I don't know what time you are working till, you may have even already left, but if you want to grab happy hour let me know". This was about 20 minutes ago & I haven't heard anything but my theory is that if he is already home he's not coming back toward the office but I do feel extremely proud of myself for even sending it!! At least now the thought is in his head....right? God I hope this doesn't blow up in my face!

Dating Tip #38

Men, if a girl asks you for a thousand dollars to help with her bills, or worse, cash to "enhance" her appearance, run for your freaking life!

Dating Tip #37

Ladies, don’t expect the world from anyone. Sure, it would be super nice to meet a great guy with a great personality who is hot & really wealthy but the chances of that actually happening are pretty damn slim so writing a guy off because he didn’t want to give you a thousand dollars to help with your bills is pretty crappy, and so is the fact that you asked.

Dating Tip #36

If someone asks you out & you think that hey they don’t seem half bad, go…at the very least you will get a free meal or some free drinks. Whenever my friends ask “do you think I should go with him” I always say “hey, a girls’ gotta eat” and you never know, he may end up being exactly what you needed/wanted all along.

Why Now?

Last night I was driving home from picking up my car at the mechanic & having dinner with Doug when I got a phone call from an out of state number, so I didn’t answer it. Previously in the day I got a few calls from an out of state number & they were trying to fax my cell phone so I assumed this was the same thing. I started wondering if some company had a misprint on their website & now all these people would be faxing me but I quickly discovered that I was wrong. The mystery caller left a message & I listened to it & it was some noise & then a hang up so I figured it was a wrong number. The caller calls again & I again ignore the call because I assume that they dialed the wrong number again but again, they leave a message. I get stopped at a red light & decide to check the message…big mistake!

I suddenly hear the voice of bad relationship past and honestly come very close to vomiting, right in my car. My heart dove into my stomach like it was trying to hide and I actually started breathing erratically & for fear of hyperventilating I talked myself down. I went ahead & listened to the whole message which went something like “hey, how’s it going, I hadn’t talked to you in a while so I thought I’d see how you had been and what’s new and all, call me when you can either at this number or mine” the second the message was over I deleted it. This ex is the only ex I have who makes me feel this way, I have not spoken to him in a year and a half & have not seen him in 2 years, actually, almost exactly 2 years and I guess I kind of hoped I’d never hear from or see him ever again. Now, I’m on excellent terms with all of my living exes except for 2 & 1 has little to do with our relationship he’s just a really bad friend & I don’t have room for that. This guy though, made my life a living hell for so long, he treated me like crap, he made me feel bad about myself, he used me, and so on but obviously there were things that were good enough for me to stay until one day I just woke up. Suddenly, I realized that none of it was his fault it was all mine, my fault for allowing the behavior to continue so I ended it, for real ended it & that was that. I wasn’t as upset as I thought I would be about the split either, I actually felt much lighter & free & I loved it! Not long after that my life totally started turning around, I got a great job & started dating someone else which was good for a short time, then we opted for friendship instead. About 6 months after the split I hardly even thought of that bastard, I deleted him from my cell phone & my email address book, as far as any stranger would be concerned I don’t even know the douche bag & then poof, here he comes to ruin my day yet again! Do assholes like this have some sort of freaking radar or something? I mean, I’m very happy these days personally & professionally and then bam, here comes this shit! He was probably just chilling at home watching TV & then ding “I think Kel is happy, let’s ruin her night”.

I immediately called Wendy all in a frazzle & she talked me down. I have decided that I am going to call him, tell him I’m happy, wish him the best & leave it at that. I don’t want bad blood but I don’t want him thinking he can just roll back up in my life & treat me the way he did before. I am a different person than I was then but I know how he his & I don’t trust him, I don’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth but I know how he works. He’s one of these dudes that is like a chick if you will, batting his eyelashes acting all innocent & sweet & buttering you up to stab you when you aren’t expecting it then makes you think it was all your fault. Well, I’m older & wiser & refuse to fall for some bullshit antics like these. I wasn’t going to call at all but I realize that if I don’t he’s just going to call again in 6 months & make me feel like this all over again so today, I will return that effing call (thanks to another friend who still has his number) & make nice & then move on with my life leaving this situation a closed book that I never want to read again.

Dating Tip #35

Internet dating is pretty common, there is nothing wrong with meeting people online so long as you choose the proper avenues for doing so. Basically, if you want to meet someone online use a dating site either a free one or one that you pay for, not a chat room, it’s a little safer that way.

Dating Tip #34

Do not discuss how much money you make or how much stuff you have at any point within the first 5 dates. Telling some woman about your sweet car & 2^nd home on the water just makes you seem desperate & that you are using your things to lure in potential mates.

Don't Date This Guy!!

I was on a dating site today & happened to stumble upon a profile of someone I dated a decade ago for seriously a second. He seems a little bitter, check out his "about me", enjoy!

So the douche bags that run this website removed 7 of my pictures because in one of them I was wearing a Halloween mask? So the other 6 that were perfect head shots weren't good enough? With that being said lets tell the truth about the "real" purpose of this website...

First, lets talk about the quality of women on here...I break it down to this...Some of the girls are fat(thank God for the headshot rule) The fat girls wouldn't get me to jerk off and throw it at them...and I think I speak for most dudes....so of course they have to crowd this site to get a date, get laid, or (lmao) find a boyfriend...Then there are a lot of single moms...young/old doesn't matter you are divorced, never married with baggage....Not interested...I don't care what you look like....When you are naked I don't want to see your wrecked body, or have to close my eyes cause I was bored and pretend you are Jessica Alba with D tatties....Next just plain ugly...Obviously you still haven't mastered photo shop and if you have...Guess what? You are still ugly...Hence your reason for being here....Then there is the small (like a ****ing grain of sand) group of girls that are goodlooking...Most of them never write you back anyways so what is the point? I realize I am far from a super model, but when I say hi...you can take 30 ****ing seconds to write back....I file them under stuck up ****es...No body would talk to them in real life cause they are ****es so to them hopefully they can kick around some dumbass from this site...Not me....Then the fake profiles...The girl in the bikini or smokin hot chick that has no reason to be on here in the first place...Obviously some dude who is bored, or some fat chick messing with guys to get revenge on them dissing her...Listen honey I didn't force the Oreos down your throat so quit wasting sever space...I dunno what is funnier the fake profile or the dumb **** that responds to it....

Now lets get to the real reason we (meaning men and women are on here) to get laid...Really? A first date were we can go on a walk? Have dinner? Talk? lmao? You are just gonna end up ass over ankles at some dudes place naked so skip the part were we spend money and get to "know you." Ladies do you really think you are gonna find a future husband or boyfriend on here? How naive? So don't put your are tired of games, looking for prince charming, blah blah blah...Cause you are not gonna find it on here....See the problem is no body is ever willing to talk about why they are really here...Men and women alike try a mask it with the hangout, or editing to no hook ups or sex...But really that is all they want...Fatties, single moms, ugly chicks, and even your occasional **** all need to get some sometime...So the birth of this comical website....

Stop before you get your panties in a bunch and decide to write me with a hateful message...I realize I am an ***hole...I don't need some chick with a mooseknuckle and b-i-t-c-h t-i-t-s to message me and tell me that..Feel free to send your opinions I guess..

Dating Tip #33

When going out for drinks it is acceptable to do round purchasing, but not within the first month that you are dating. In that first month the man/courter should pay for all of your drinks when you are going out to the bar/club. Once you are a couple then it’s totally fine for the woman/courtee to pay for her drinks, his drinks, everyone’s drinks if she so chooses.

Dating Tip #32

Ladies, don’t ever pay for the man, unless planned ahead. Like if you guys are out to dinner & he says “I don’t’ have enough cash then you pay for your meal & leave, he can do the dishes to pay for his”. Obviously, if you say to him “I’m taking you out tonight” then yes, you need to pay.

Great Way to Get a Date!!

Not really. So I got a hit from a guy on OkCupid yesterday and he was kind of cute but was in the photo with 2 young girls. So I check out his profile only to find that he is the parent of these girls and my profile says "please don't contact me if you have children" so I'm guessing this poor guy can't read. Anyway, I decided to read his profile anyway...he may be a multi millionaire with a nanny so the children won't be my responsibility ever (as if)...so here is what he had to say about himself, this is the first thing people read on a profile mind you.



Now don't all of you jump on the site & start looking for this guy, all the ladies are gonna be trying to get a piece of him! This certainly explains why it is that he is only looking for "short term dating".

Dating Tip #31

Fellas/the one doing the courting, if your date wants to go to somewhere that you can’t afford you need to let them know in advance that you can’t cover it & if they really want to go then they will probably offer to pay for themselves.

Dating Tip #30

Ladies/the one being courted, don’t offer up cash until you are comfortable doing so, make him court you & earn your fidelity. There have been times on first dates that I’ve felt bad because the bill was so high, but I still did not offer any money, because I know I’m worth it.

Read This Book

Ladies, I read He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tucillo a long time ago & I highly recommend it to every single one of you! Yes, I think this book is the basis for the upcoming movie (starring everyone) but since the book isn't exactly a work of fiction or a story I'm not sure how the two will compare. Anyway, buy the book, read the book, and use it as a guide to men & reality!! Trust me, once you read this you will be able to sleep better at night, rather than laying there wondering why he didn't call or why he didn't want to meet your friends.

Dating Tip #29

This tip is just for straight couples because I’m not really sure how the gay community organizes who pays & what not. When you are courting a woman it is your responsibility to pay for each date until you have decided not to see other people, or she offers up some cash (whichever comes first).

Another First Date

So last night I went out for beers with a cute guy that I met on OkCupid. Apparently he looks like a young Donnie Osmond as the bartender Bridgette was all about him and said she was tempted to call her girlfriends to come up there & take a look at him because they all had their walls lined with posters of him when they were young. While I found this funny he seemed a little uncomfortable & the funny thing is, his profile on the site makes reference to the resemblance so after she was done fawning we got a giggle out of it. We sat & talked & had a few beers for a couple hours and I really enjoyed myself. We have plenty in common and plenty not in common but enough in common that the convo was able to flow for the duration and then a bit in the parking lot. I thought he was really cute, had a nice (and very white) smile, was well dressed, and smelled good which is a huge plus for me (I'm very big on smells). I thought he said that he really liked kids & they were a lot of fun but then he started showing me these scratches he got while playing with one then we talked about cats so I'm thinking maybe he said kittens!! I do think that he does want kids according to his profile but I can't remember & we didn't get that far in our discussion. I enjoyed the fact that he had great body language while I probably seemed kind of standoffish but that's just me. He touched me a lot but not in a creepy way so I read that he was interested by said behavior. He is more outdoors than I am, as I've said before my idea of roughing it is a 2 star hotel, and he's still into going out on weeknights while I just can't hang anymore, but as you are all aware, I like having separate interests as well as common ones so these things didn't bother me too much. I honestly would like to see him again and unlike my last date, after 3 beers I did want to sleep with him which means that he deserves to see me again. Lucky bastard!

Dating Tip #28

Early on in a relationship the other person may invite you over for dinner, which they are cooking, if you don’t really know them all that well yet I would advise asking what they plan to make. I am a very picky eater & I find that asking ahead of time, although awkward, can be much better than showing up & not eating what they made because you don’t like it.

Dating Tip #27

If you are meeting for dinner & they suggest a Mexican restaurant & you don’t like Mexican, politely let them know that you would rather go somewhere else.

Dating Tip #26

If you ask to pick them up and they suggest meeting, don’t take it personal just go with it.

Some Chick

Dating Tip #25

If you are the one taking someone out make sure you have enough money on you to pay for it.