Great Article

A man's point of view on dating for a change, I quite enjoyed this article & it's totally true & I would have to say that I might be a female version of the guy who wrote it. I also dream of laying on the couch doing nothing while I'm at the gym...when I can trick myself into going that is!!

I Can't Save You!!!

So I’m concerned for a friend of mine that I used to date. We were together a couple years back for a few months & his level of maturity wasn’t up to par with mine. It didn’t help that he was about 5 years younger than me nor did it help that we were in 2 completely different places in our lives either. So, over the years we’ve stayed friends, us getting along was never the issue…we had a ton in common & really, the sex was great so for the most part we were compatible. Anyway, him & his girlfriend broke up about a month ago & he told me that he was totally cool with it, she was too immature for him, he needed to move forward & had she not been moving it would have ended anyway so I assumed he was telling me the truth. See, I am kind of like a guy & generally take everything that is told to me at face value & when you say that you basically weren’t that into her anymore anyway, that’s how I take it so I assumed he was fine.

I started talking to him more & inviting him places & he came out one night & things were totally cool between us & I thought “hmmm, I wonder if maybe now that time has passed we could actually have some success”. Well, after we hung out the once everything was totally cool, we laughed & had some beers & we all had a really good time. The next day we texted a bit back & forth & all was good. Monday I email him something short & funny/dirty & instead of the usual flirty response I get what seems like an attitude filled comment. All day every time I asked a question he would either ignore it or respond all bitchy like. I opted to stop talking to him at that point & let him be, I figured that maybe he was pissed at me or someone else but I wasn’t going to deal with it. Right before the weekend I asked about is plans & he was super bitchy & I asked if he wanted to try to hang out & he didn’t respond so I took that as a no. Well, today I spoke with a mutual friend & was informed that no, he’s not ok, yes he was super upset when his girlfriend moved away and he’s not handling it well. This is when I realized everything. He was flirting with me to try to feel something else/rebound/not be alone, to help him forget about her, but for me it would have all been false, I would have been used & not even known it, here I was stupidly thinking that he actually wanted to spend time with me when in reality he just didn’t want to be alone. I feel so stupid & used right now but I also worry about him & hope that he’s able to get back to good on his own because I care about him & his well being but I can’t be part of his recovery process.

Think Before You Write....

Fellas, when you are on a dating site & you message a girl repeatedly & she responds telling you that she’s not interested or seeing someone or just flat out doesn’t like you, you need to just accept that. It’s not cool to send nasty messages to these women just because they aren’t into you, I mean for real guys. There is no need to take these things so personally, no thanks is no thanks & sending a message back telling someone they are a bitch or ugly isn’t going to bother them, you only do it to make yourself feel better & the women know that. If anything, we find it very humorous & feel bad that you have such poor self-esteem. So Tigger man or whatever your name is, I could say some pretty awful things here but I’m not going to sink to your childish level but for the record, I don’t live in Southwest Detroit or even the city of Detroit for that matter & had you actually read my profile you would have known that.

Decision

Ok so last night I was chilling at home thinking about all of the stupid boys who are making me crazy & then I realized that I was making myself crazy! Just because I am confused doesn't mean that I'm not in control of my life. It occurred to me that I was freaking out because I didn't think I was in control of these situations with these guys. Here's my thing, in past relationships I always was part of the guy's relationship rather than them being part of mine & I had said that I would not allow that ever again. Well, just because I'm not calling every single shot doesn't mean that I'm not in control of my life. So long as I'm content & aware & accepting of the situation then I am in control of my life, I'm not being controlled like I was thinking I was. See in the past ones I basically spent all of my free time wondering if they were going to call, I would cancel plans with friends when they wanted to see me, I did whatever they wanted whenever they wanted me to do it & that's certainly not the way things are going now so I'm not going to fret. I'm choosing to wait & see what happens & if I don't hear from Friday date guy by tomorrow I'm sending one final text message & if I get no response then I'm done. His loss, not mine, right? Why would I want to spend any of my free time with someone who would treat me that way anyway?

What the Eff?

So I told you all that I had a great date this past weekend which I did & I thought he had a good time too but now I'm thinking that I got played! Now, I'm not the type of girl that expects my man to call me every day or even every other day, I do however expect them to respond to a text message. I sent a message to this guy that just said "hey, I thought I'd pop in & say hello, hope all is well & you are enjoying your journey"...he was on his way to the inauguration to work. I got no response at all & it's been over 24 hours. Now, the day after we hung out he sent me a text around 1 in the afternoon to say hi & see how I was & to ask about my STD background (which I totally respected) so I gave him the info which was good (I know you are thinking that my response is why he hasn't responded) and he thanked me & said he was getting on the road & he'd talk to me later. Well, it's 3 days later & I've heard nothing at all. Part of me is worried that he didn't make it to DC, part of me thinks that he's working & just doesn't have the time & then the biggest part of me is thinking that he's a cock face & I was dumb to assume otherwise!! I guess I just don't understand how hard it is to respond with a simple "hi, we made it" or even a "hey, I just used you" would be sufficient...don't leave a bitch hanging man, it's not cool at all.

Missing You

So 2 years ago today someone I dated for about 2 minutes died & it broke my heart. Ian was a funny & very outgoing guy who had a lot to learn back when I knew him, at least as far as dating older women went. Ian was a stage actor & very good at it & he was very good at other things too but I won't bore you with those details. When Ian died we weren't speaking and hadn't spoken to each other in over a year due to his behavior & the fact that I didn't like it. I found out from a mutual friend that I had broken his heart when in all honesty he was a fun time for me. I really wish I had been more in the know back when things between him & I got tense but everything happens for a reason I guess. I can say that, a small part of me will forever feel guilty for breaking his heart, being oblivious to it, not speaking to him for a year & then attending his funeral without ever being able to say that I did in fact care about him & enjoyed his company. We were in 2 completely different stages of our lives when we met which was obvious to me but I don't think he saw it the same way. The last time I saw him he had just performed in a play & as I went to go over & hug him an old couple cut me off & all I was able to give him was a smile & wink so I hope that minuscule gesture let him know in some way that I will always be grateful for getting to know him & will always miss him. Ian was a character to say the least & the story of how we met & reconnected will forever remain one of my favorite stories that is very close to my heart.

First Date

So I went out on a date with a new fella that I met on OkCupid & it turned out really well. I'm not usually the "let's go to my place" kind of girl on a first date but in my defense we had been chatting online & via text for a couple weeks & I'd already done my Google search & I felt very comfortable with him. We met for a few drinks at a place by me & then we went to my house & watched a movie & got a little "friendly". He left very very late & the next day he had to head out of town for work for about a week & I went out for a night of fun with 3 couples & my ex which was also good times but after having the new guy fresh on the brain I don't know that I gave the ex the attention he deserved. Obviously I don't owe anything to either of them (or the other guy) at the current moment but I can say that now that I'm actually dating & not just seeing one person it's a bit tricky to keep things straight!! I figure after a couple months I should be able to figure out who I want more from, who I want less from, and very possibly who I wish I'd never known!! I'll be sure to keep you posted on these guys & any others who may crop up although I don't know that I could keep more than 3 straight at once!!! I hope you all had a great weekend too :)

Friends & Lovers

Do you guys have those friends or family members who just seem to be trying even harder than you are to get you hooked up with someone? I don't know about you but I find this very annoying & at times a bit intrusive. I have a friend who is constantly asking guys that she meets if they are single because she has a single girlfriend that they might like. Who does that? An overbearing mother is who. I love my friends to death but they all seem to be so hung up on the fact that I'm single that it is starting to make me wonder if they even like me! That's a joke, I know they like me but I feel like they would like me better if I had a guy...why? I know that when I hang out with a couple the guy is always bored because me & my girl are chatting it up like crazy but that shouldn't be the reason for me to find someone...I'm not dating to find your boyfriend a buddy! Anyway, I just wanted to bitch about this for a minute and assure all of my friends that in due time I'll meet someone who makes both me & them happy but until then shut the eff up & stop pushing guys on me, that isn't going to help, it's only going to make me bitter when I meet them!!!!

New Year, New Dates

Ok so I know it's been like a month since I checked in with this page but I've been busy...I went to TN for the holidays & didn't blog at all while I was on vacation for 2 weeks. So let me get you guys up to speed. I met a fella online & we hung out a few times & he never made a move which was weird so after a couple weeks of no contact at all I randomly heard from him & decided to take the situation into my own hands. Everything played out just as I hoped & planned & then he started maintaining contact with me & no I'm not the smothering kind (I know what you are thinking). A text here & there is hardly smothering & that's basically what our "relationship" consists of other than the occasional hook up which works great for me & for him too I'm sure. We can both live our lives, meet up when we want to & have some fun, then go back to business as usual.

So, things are going totally cool with fun boy when I get a call from an ex with whom I still do business on occasion. He tells me that him & his woman are done & he wants to take me out on a proper date, we broke up over 2 years ago & our relationship was beyond complicated but lets just say we kept it private. Of course I said I'd totally be down because after everything I went through with this man I at least deserve a free meal, trust me!!

Then yesterday I'm chatting with another ex online & I get the feeling that he's flirting with me. Now he just got out of a relationship about a month ago and I'm not looking to be some rebound girl, it's way too late in the game for that not to mention the fact that I already played a similar type role in his life over a year ago by being the girl who opened his eyes. I will admit however, that I definitely in a way miss him so I was very happy by the change but still unsure if he was actually flirting. Today, the boy was DEFINITELY flirting with me & I flirted right back so my friends I hope to God that this may actually be my year, it's off to a flirty good start all around & I've been waiting 31 years to be lucky in love so keep your fingers crossed!!